I have been thinking a lot about my daughter and what life lies ahead of her. I hope to be with her during many milestones. However, as my doctors have told me, the disease always wins. So, with that bit of knowledge, I want her to know what her Dad would tell her during the road ahead.
A letter to my Syd
One day you will ask me “Daddy, what was it like when you were dating?” and I will freeze like a deer caught in the headlights. “How should I answer a question like that?” I wonder. Especially to a young girl, curious about what she’s observed in school.
I do not know what the future of dating will look like for you many years from now or how men will treat you. And I know now, as much as I’d like to, I cannot protect you from all the landmines and jackals running rampant. You will have to learn to face them on your own.
But I can tell you what to look for. Look for honor.
Look for integrity, selflessness, sacrifice, and compassion. Find those who champion justice and fidelity. But above all, seek men who emulate humility and meekness. Do not, as so many others do, be deceived into thinking it is a weakness. Meekness is strength wrapped in humility, my dear daughter. It is strength under control in a world where so many are out of control.
Do not confuse velvet words and simply holding a door open as honor. Instead, observe how he treats others, your waiter, the homeless, and the marginalized. For if you see how he treats those at their highs and lows, you’ll understand how he will treat you during your high and low points. Heed this wisdom and do not become disillusioned, for honorable men will still break your heart. A dishonorable man will break up with you via text, SnapChat (if that still exists), or simply ignore you. But an honorable man will break your heart face-to-face.
Do not despair, my daughter, for as you read this, you may be tempted to believe that honorable men disappeared in the years before you were born. They still exist. You must search to find them, and that may take many years. In your search, though, you will encounter many men without honor. Do not blame them. For they had fathers who didn’t know how to train their sons in the ways in which a man should walk. Many grew up without a male figure to explain what honor and integrity look like. Feel compassion for them, instead. Point them to other men you see acting in honorable ways.
I leave you with this in closing, Syd. When you were born, my heart was yours, and I wanted nothing more than to protect you, kiss your face, tickle your tummy, and watch you smile. One day, I hope to meet the man who feels the same way. I do not need to know about the tickling of the tummy!
All my love,
Daddy