We are alone!
Why would I say something like that? We have a family, we have partners, and we have friends. We have ex’s, etc. So, why would ANYONE be alone with any and/or of the above?
Today I had my first, and it will not be last, attack totally alone. No one was around to help me breathe. I had to find my rescue inhaler while trying to remain calm and not panic. What would you do if you are breathing okay, then all of sudden, you try to take a breath and NOTHING happens? What would you do? Panic? Not do anything and just say, “GOD is speaking, do I want to listen…this time?”
Then images of my daughter flashed thru my mind. What would her life be like without her father at such a young age? The only influence in her life would be her mother and her circle of “friends & family”. Something or someone “PUSHED” me. I had to breathe, just enough to take my medication inside my rescue inhaler. My chest was heavy, which is strange because it was empty. I found my inhaler, and tried and tried to breathe in. Finally, my lungs breathed in my inhaler. I was breathing again like nothing happened. Except, my chest ached afterword.
This incident illustrated to me how alone we all are, or at least me. There was no one here before, during or after the attack. The entire day passed without anyone calling me. I decided to stay home the entire day, just in case, the CF decided to rear its ugly face again. Besides the normal regular difficulty of breathing daily, everything was okay…today.
Those of us who are fortunate enough to have loved ones around us ALL THE TIME are very lucky. However, there are many of us whom must deal with being alone every day, such as I. This made me aware that I should make some regular contact schedule with a loved one, or at least my main caregiver. If not, the possibility of having THE ATTACK brings about the realization of the prospect of dying alone.
As the old saying goes, “What does not kill you makes you stronger.” This might be true for some, but what happened to me, does not make me stronger, it just illustrates to me how alone I really am. I could be as strong as Superman, but when an attack comes, it is not strength that will save me; it will be faith that everything will be okay that will save me. Once faith is gone, well, draw your own conclusions.